BATTLE RAP TALK: 2017’s First Classic

Thesaurus vs Topr

-Written By Vinny Guarino

Happy Valentines Day! Now watch these middle-aged white men bar each other’s lives away in San Jose.

Don’t spend too much time reading what I have to say, just check out this battle. It’s between two legends of battle rap who have been active on the scene for over 10 years.

Besides the endless bars, it’s dope to see the crowd enjoying every moment. Everyone chants: “OT, OT, OT, OT!” at the end, but we’re left with a very debatable three rounds.

Best Bars From Each:

The Saurus:

Round 1: “We battled 15 years ago, and I won’t pretend I don’t remember it/ but I’m not supposed to mention it/I swore an oath on Holy Testament/ Besides, it’s history, we know the rest of it/You didn’t pass the torch to me - I took that shit while you were smokin’ meth with it”

Round 2: “You came a long way to die today, Andre the Giant face.”

Round 3“This IS my girl, and I DO love her…and every fucking thing you say is true/except her favorite sex position, which is 1,000 feet away from you!”

Topr:

Round 1: “But I’m not Megadef..That Fascist prick…I am more like Megatron/megaladon lexicon/ smash the whip - like a Decepticon with the weapons drawn/ level on I’m on, one step beyond upper echelon/I’m armed and deadly narcolepsy…that’s CRIMINALLY SLEPT-ON!”

Round 2: “But watching your relationship thrown up on line is digital ipecac/I mean, I know you love cupcaking - obviously since you’re fat/ but even Drake sees you pop up in his feed and thinks, Pete’s kind of a bitch for that…’”

Round 3: “But this blueprint? I drew it, and ya’ll don’t put faith in my vision/I paid my dues — shouldn’t have to pay again to maintain my position/ Cuz I’m the GOAT like Satan’s depiction in most ancient religions”

Best Audience Member:

Arguably more entertaining than the battle itself — Head Ice stands behind the hosts in the blue hat and goes crazy after EVERY line. Visibly wasted, he puts his arm around Lush One awkwardly throughout the battle and shouts “THISSA FIGHT!!” over five times in Round 2.

                                                                          Head Ice

                                                                          Head Ice

Winner: Topr