This Is Going To Be Tough.
-Written by Paul Gogliormella
Now listen, I don't have any kids, but I would imagine picking my favorite Spongebob episode is a lot like someone picking their favorite child. Spongebob has been an integral part of shaping my sense of humor and has provided me with ENDLESS quotes. There's nothing I enjoy more than swapping Spongebob quotes with a fellow fan.
With that being said, let's be honest, all Spongebob episodes were not created equal. ESPECIALLY the episodes that were made after the first Spongebob Movie. As far as I'm concerned, the ONLY Spongebob episodes worth mentioning are from 1999-2004.
However, after much deliberation and thought, I think I have finally narrowed all the classics down to the top five. It's been tough. It's been hard. But I'm pretty sure I got it right Without further adieu, here are the top five Spongebob episodes of all time:
In this classic episode, Patrick and Spongebob adopt an abandoned scallop and raise it as their own son. There are so many classic moments in this episode. Like when Spongebob catches Patrick at his job, (which turns out to be watching TV and eating ice cream.)
Or Spongebob revealing all the dirty diapers that their new son Junior has made in the time that Patrick has been at work. I can still hear Spongebob yelling, "HMMMMMM."
But what I like most about this episode is that it has Patrick as the antagonist. I may offend some of you, but LOYAL Spongebob fans now what I mean when I say that Patrick is a DICKHEAD. They try to play him off as a lovable doofus, but how many times can he put Spongebob's life in danger before we call a spade a spade. It was refreshing to see Patrick as Spongebob's adversary instead of his sidekick.
4. "Club Spongebob"
In this episode Spongebob, Patrick, and Squidward get stranded in the forest, and the only thing they have with them is a "Magic Conch Shell," which is essentially a magic 8 ball that Spongebob and Patrick seek for guidance.
There are lot of amazingly funny things that happen while they're stranded in the forest, but a few of my favorite moment happen right before. Spongebob and Patrick won't let Squidweard into their clubhouse because he "won't fit in," really meaning that he LITERALLY won't be able to fit in the clubhouse and they've been stuck up their for days.
Then when he finally gets up to their club, they initiate him with what is probably the best initiation song of all time.
Now all this isn't my favorite episode of all time, my favorite MOMENT of all time happens in this episode, and it's when Spongebob and Patrick's fortunes turn around when picnic supplies fall from the sky.
I can honestly go on and on about this episode, and it pains me that it is only number four on the list because it's so amazing, but that is just testament to how great the rest of the episodes are.
3. "Krusty Krab Training Video"
This episode is exactly what it sounds like. Its an episode from the perspective of a new employee at the Krusty Krab who is watching their training video. This episode is amazing not just because it is LITTERED with quotable lines, but also it stylistically different from any other Spongebob episode. There is no problem to be solved, to villain to conquer and yet it is still one of the funniest episodes of the series. Also love how Squidward is the example of a bad employee and Spongebob is the example of a good employee, and I would do just about everything Squidward does in those scenarios.
Some more moments that stick out to me:
Plankton shifting into maximum overdrive. Squidward's Button
And of course who can forget the Hoopla Guy.
And remember, nobody wants to be a Squidward.
In this episode Spongebob, Patrick, and Squidward get trapped on the Flying Dutchman's ship and have to figure out how to escape. It should be noted, that most of the BEST episodes of Spongebob revolve around Squidward being a part of the adventure, (more of that to come.) The Flying Dutchman tells them that they will work for all eternity but they turn out to be more of a problem than they help. Some great moments are:
The Fly of Despair:
YOU'RE GOOD YOU'RE GOOD (which is tied for my favorite moment of all time.) The "Don't worry Captain we'll buff out those scratches," is one of the most heavily used quotes in my arsenal.
And finally, Spongebob and Patrick escaped through the perfume department caps off an episode with endless amazing moments.
1. "Band Geeks"
Band Geeks is bar none the best episode of Spongebob of all time. Furthermore, it is the best episode of any animated show ever. Period. Two-five on this list could honestly be in any of those positions, the only episode I was certain about is Band Geeks.
It is the best episode for a handful of reasons.
1.) Squidward is the protagonist.
You may not be on board with me, but Squidward is the best character on the show. He's the most well rounded and he's the only character with a complete personality. As I said before, any episode that Squidward is the main character (or one of them) is usually amazing.
2.) It's the first episode with Squilliam Fancyson.
Squilliam is such a great adversary because he's such a DOUCE. Also he is the only one who can TRULY get under Squidward's skin. Spongebob obviously annoys Squidward to no end, but Squilliam REALLY does because he is everything that Squidward wants to be. It makes it that much more sweet when Squidward wins in the end.
3.) MOST of the main characters are featured.
Virtually every Spongebob character that you care about makes some sort of appearance in this episode. Spongebob, Patrick, Squidwadr, Mr. Krabs, Mrs. Puff, Sandy, Plankton, Larry the Lobster, as well as some no name reoccurring characters.
There are many other reasons, but here are some of the best moments:
"People talk loud when they wanna act smart, right?!"
"To bad that didn't kill me."
"Is mayonnaise an instrument?"
Again, I can go on and on and on, and there are probably four or five other moments that I can think of, including the LEGENDARY ending performance at the Bubble Bowl. But this episode has everything, the characters, the underdog victory, the laughs, and that is why it gets the Hot Salad World number one rank. Agree? Disagree? Comment and let me know.
The Algae's Always Greener (Plankton and Mr. Krabs Trade Places.)
Krab Borg (Mr. Krabs becomes a robot.)
Wet Painters (Spongebob and Patrick paint Mr. Krabs House)
Something Smells (Spongebob gets bad breath)
....and many more.