There are rules here, sir.
-Written by Paul Gogliormella
Anyone who listens to my podcast, Take It 2 Go, knows that I am a big stickler for rules. Not rules in the sense of "No Running Around The Pool," but unwritten rules. Rules that we as a society have decided had to be put in place so people don't go bananas. Example of an unwritten rule of society: If someone lets you cut in front of their car while merging onto a road, you HAVE to give them a wave. Those kind of rules. Simple.
There are certain places that these unwritten rules are absolutely necessary, and one of these places is the gym. (Yea I work out, nbd, wanna fight about it?)
I was at the gym the other day, and this guy had the GALL to do bent-over rows while standing over the bench press. For no reason. Theres only two flat benches in this whole place, and this guy is using it to do bent-over rows for whatever reason, when he can be doing those ANYWHERE in the gym.
So it inspired to make a list of things you should not do at the gym, in order to not piss off society.
1.) Leave Your Dick In Your Underwear
The amount of old men that just flap their dick out in the locker room is shocking and appalling. Guys, these old people just don't give fuck. It is a DAILY occurrence. If you go into a gym locker room, there is a 95% chance you will see an old guy just walking around naked; taking his sweet ass time while his knob and gobbles are just hanging loose. And you will never see someone under the age of 75 doing this. Was everyone in the 1920's just walking around with their dicks out at all times? Is it that hard to just wear a pair of boxers? Whats the real story here?
It's 2017 people, it's time to free the nipple, not free the penis.
2.) When Using Valuable Gym Equipment, Move At A Reasonable Pace.
When I say "valuable" gym equipment, I'm talking about flat benches and squat racks for the most part. These are valuable pieces of gym real estate that EVERYONE needs to use. These pieces of equipment are in the highest demand, but for whatever reasons gyms will only put in one or two, but put in like a THOUSAND treadmills.
"But Paul, I have to do five sets and then rest for exactly four minutes between each set!"
Oh I have an answer, how about, uhhhh fuck you. Move faster, get over yourself, lets get this show on the road.
3.) Do NOT Under Any Reason Start Singing Or Rapping Out Loud
I can't even believe I have to put this on the list. But I have seen MULTIPLE people at the gym rapping whatever music they're listening to OUT LOUD for the world to hear. And I don't mean that they are mumbling the words to themselves, I mean that they are giving a PERFORMANCE and belting it out.
With that being said, if you want to listen to music, that's great, I encourage it. But DO NOT subject me to hearing your rendition of "Livin' It Up."
4.) Re-rack Weights In An Order That Makes Sense
Listen, I honestly don't mind when people don't re-rack their weights. Doesn't really bother me. What DOES bother me is when they re-rack it in whatever size order they see fit. There is always a clear spot for 10's, a clear spot for 25's, a clear spot for 45's and so on. I HATE IT when I see weights stacked with a 5 then a 45 then a 10 then another 45 then a 25. DID YOU EVEN TRY? DID YOU EVEN LOOK? IT'S SO CLEAR WHERE THESE ARE SUPPOSED TO GO.
Just put things where they belong people, it's that easy.
5.) Don't Ask Me How Many Sets I Have Left
Some of you might not agree with this one, but I HATE it when someone asks me this. How many do I have left? How about uhhhhh just fuckin' leave me alone for a minute and I'll be gone. Thats how many I have left. I'm not gonna be here all day people. I'm quick. I'm efficient. I'll be in and out before you knew I was there. Just let me handle my business, and you handle yours, ok?
Well those are all the rules I have for now, but I'm sure there are countless more. Stay tuned for more updates.