I Think The Selena Gomez/Weeknd Relationship Is Fake

-Written by Kelly Keegs

Selena Gomez and the Weeknd have been “dating” for a few months now.

The thing is, they’re actually dirty liars and are not dating at all. I know that might sound ridiculous, because love is real and no one does anything for publicity, but this relationship is fake as fuck and I need people to agree with me.

You don’t just go from pretty-boy baby-face JUSTIN BIEBER to a guy with ambiguously shaped hair named Abel. Abel??? No offense to any Abels out there but no wonder he changed his name. Real shame he can’t spell correctly but I mean whatever.

Looks aside, which take up the majority of my argument here, Selena’s presenting this relationship to us all wrong. When Selena dated Justin, all of their PDA was reserved for the red carpet. Everything else came from paparazzi creeping on them as teenagers at the beach.

With her new boo Abel, all of the paparazzi photos look like Selena called them herself.

Oh really Selena? All of a sudden you smile in the face of 40 people taking your photo and asking you about your relationship? Stopping and staring pensively so everyone can see both of your faces clearly? Nobody fucking stands around like that

“OMG Abel quick, they’re here, I paid them like 50 bucks to come and take pics of us making out. Don’t look RIGHT AT THEM, just act like you’re in love with me”

I don’t buy it, Selena; you are on notice.

I’d say Pray for Bella Hadid, but I think she’s going to be just fine.