Want to beautify your bowels? Oreo has the solution.
-Written by Adam Guttzeit
This week, Nabisco dropped a nuke on the cookie world with the premier of their new “Peeps Oreo”. Snack experts across the nation are calling this an early shot for oddest combo of the year.
Over the last few years, it seems as if there is a new flavor of Oreo every single week. We have seen additions to the lineup such as Red Velvet, Swedish Fish, Mint, and even a "Cookies and Cream" one. Which, first of all, is ludicrous on all accounts. That's like masturbating to yourself in the mirror while also holding up a Polaroid of yourself naked.
Self-obsession aside, the newest flavor of Oreo may be making headlines for some shitty reasons too.
Really shitty, actually, following reports that these new cream filled delights are actually causing people to POOP PINK!!!
Now I have had some strange colored bowel movements in my life, but pink? I am like the ROY G. BIV of making number 2s, but I can’t say that I have been able to add this shiny shade to my poopie pallet.
But now might be my chance. I am going to go and buy a box of these, eat a whole row of ‘em, and let those pretty pink nuggets fly. If I eat these and only see standard shades in my toilet bowl, I will be thoroughly disappointed.
Because why else would anyone in their right mind eat a Peep flavored Oreo? For the flavor? I don’t need to taste these to tell you they are absolutely vile. Peeps are nauseating on their own, I can only imagine how bad they are in cream-form. Someone who burnt off all of their taste buds and then died could tell you how nasty these things are.
But that’s not what snacks are about these days. They’re about making bullshit flavors that cause a commotion and hype people up to buy their terrible tasting “treats”.
When it’s all said and done, these can taste like straight up poison but will still fly off the shelves.