Pablo Sanchez Was On The Juice

A Pablo Sanchez Fan Theory.

-Written by Paul Gogliormella

Anyone who has ever played any of the "Backyard" series games (Backyard Baseball, Backyard Football, etc.) knows that Pablo Sanchez is bar none the best player.  As Mike Lupia says in Episode 9 of the Dork Side, "If you wanted to win, you picked Pablo Sanchez."

The kid could play any position in any sport.  Lets take a look at the stats:

This begs the question, "How can one man be better than Derek Jeter at hitting, better than McNabb at throwing, and yet have no professional sports career?"

I have two possible theories.

1.) He Hit Puberty Extremely Early.

There was always that one kid in 6th grade who was six foot eight with a Dan Bilzerian beard and could dominate in gym class kick ball.  I know what you're thinking, "But Paul, Pablo Sanchez is the shortest one, and has no facial hair!"  You'd be right, but look at how DENSE this motherfucker is.

He's all muscle, he's shredded to the gills.  That's why he was able to crank out 400 foot home-runs and throw a slider 97 miles per hour.  The other kids didn't have a chance.  Eventually, the Mark McGwires and Randy Moss' of the world caught up to him.

2.) Pablo Sanchez Was Doing Steroids.

This is the theory I'm more confident in.  If it wasn't for his calm demeanor I'd be 100% sure.  But this guy had to be juicing right?  It would explain his short stature.  The steroids stunted his growth, plain and simple.  It allowed him to peak, but then he had no more room to grow.  While he was busy shooting up HGH in the locker room, Randy Johnson was out there working on his mechanics.  Pablo wanted to take the easy way out, and guess what?  It worked.  But only for a short time.  The steroids can only take him to Backyard fame, but he couldn't pass the next barrier and make it to the majors.

I guess we'll never know the real story of Pablo Sanchez, but what we do know is that when you were down by three in the bottom of the 9th, and you needed someone to hit a grand slam, you knew who to call.